The Great Big Jeryl Anti-Interview

Alright, so I couldn’t think of anything better to do while I arranged the next set of free tunes for you bunch of ragamuffins, so I got a bunch of people I quite like to ask me questions about whatever they wanted to. As a reward for having to read it, I have organised a competition that you vinyl lovers will be happy with at the end.

Peter Rogers - Peter is the D&B reviews editor for Mixmag (www.mixmag.net) and produces rather good tunes under his guise of 'Technicolour' for Simon Bassline Smith's Technique Recordings (check out 'Half A Chance' big old tune!). I admire Peter greatly for his honest and editorially impartialistic (yes, a word I made up) views on reviewing Drum & Bass tracks, including his own releases. Thanks Pete.

Why doesn't ice sink?

Science.

What is your favourite shape?

I'm rather partial to a rhombus, actually I'm not entirely sure what a rhombus is, but I really love the word, it reminds me of 'rumpus' which is one of my favourite tabloid-y words to use, as is fracas and Muslim.

According to the dictionary a rhombus is "a parallelogram with four equal sides; an oblique-angled equilateral parallelogram", and any shape which has that much wordiness to its description has to be adored.

How could the worlds of drum & bass and cricket be brought together?

This is a great question and one that's very relevant in my mind. I believe that cricket and D&B already have a lot in common. Firstly they're both 'invented' by the English, who now seem to be fairly rubbish at the art forms they have spawned, and secondly they're both played with small, hard balls. I think an England cricket team made up of D&B's finest would be excellent, just imagine Goldie hitting a birdie or Andy C getting that home run.

Did I mention I'm not a big sports fan?

What is the worst tune nu urban have released?

Definitely something on Intrinsic or Westbay tbh. Just kidding, I’m actually very proud of all the music I’ve been lucky enough to release. Really, I guess that beauty is in the eye of the beholder on this one, and a lot of the music which I personally hate is often the stuff that sells really rather well, so who am I to judge?

Given that god is infinite, and the universe is also infinite, would you like a cheese and ham breville?

That's another bready question! (for non Red Dwarf fans, never mind)

SOS - SOS is a loyal friend and sometime contributor to this very blog (check her excellent Blame and Zero T interviews); I'm a great admirer of her writing. She also DJs under the name DJ Mayday and has other interesting stuff on her C.V. too. Thanks SOS.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Ah, one of life's great mysteries, and one that's obviously subject to mood. If we're talking ice cream then a solid vanilla goes a long way, but when it comes to milkshakes then chocolate is king. Overall I'm gonna run with chocolate, but I'm a vanilla fan.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Hmm, well it's a second hand emotion apparently. Really though, I'm a lover, not a fighter. I've fallen in love with all sorts of things over the years, music, chemical highs, women (probably in that order too), and all in all it's been a satisfying and educational experience. I suggest we all get together and hold hands now.

I haven't seen my neighbour in about 4 weeks and I am starting to think he is dead. What should I do?

Hire a new one in from Poland, they're half the price of regular neighbours and they never ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

Khal - Khal is the editor of Dogs On Acid (www.dogsonacid.com) and a fine journalistic mind. His enthusiasm and humble approach to his work put me to shame, he's one man who really knows his musical shit and isn't afraid to air his views on anything. Big up sir!

Who do you honestly see as “the next big thing” in Drum & Bass?

This is a very difficult question. Right now I'm caught between two opposing views of Drum & Bass, on the one hand I love strong production values, but on the other I'm a big fan of content over presentation. I think for someone to really break through they will need to have a really good knowledge of production but not let over-producing their tunes become the dominant aspect of their sound. I couldn't say that these guys will be “the next big thing”, but I'm really loving the tunes of Icicle, Subwave, Brooklyn and the Brookes Brothers right now. Not that many people are really catching my ear at the moment, but these guys have something that sets them apart.

You’re a fan of the Ragga, right? What are some of your favourite Ragga tunes from back in the day?

I grew up on Jungle and Ragga-Jungle, when I was younger I had some 4xCD collection literally titled something like "The Best of Jungle" volumes 1-4. I can't claim to have a massive knowledge of the Reggae / Ragga tracks that were sampled, that wasn't really of interest to me, it was always about the new ways in which those samples were utilised. I also can't claim it was specifically the Ragga stuff that I enjoyed most either, I loved it all, and everything was so open back then, there were literally no musical stones left unturned.

Some favourites of mine from those CDs and that era in general which I still play out to this day are:

The House Crew - Superhero (My Knight)

DJ Solo - Darkage

Hyper On Experience - Lords of the Null Lines (Foul Play Remix) - double drop that bitch with Champion Sound, I dare ya!

E.Q.P. - Crackman (The Return) - anyone want to sell me a copy cheap? Mine is fucked!

Do you think Drum & Bass blogs will become the new Drum & Bass MySpace pages?

I shouldn't think so, they're pretty rubbish aren't they? I'm only doing this one because I'm bored.

Smithy (Total Science) – Smithy is not only one half of legendary production duo Total Science, but is also the lovechild of Karl Pilkington and Phil Mitchell. When he’s not serving up pints in The Queen Vic or working closely with Ricky Gervais, he’s thinking up questions for my blog. Cheers baldy, love you xx

If you could pick one old skool tune to get a remix. what would it be?

Ah, the obligatory non-funny question, you’ve done well to get it out of the way first. On a serious note, I can’t think of that many times an old skool tune has been remixed in a way that has made my jaw drop or improved upon the original in a large way. However, that’s not to say I’m not keen to see that happen.

Things I’ve often been more keen on are when a producer from outside of the scene has a bash at remixing a D&B or Jungle track. Rabbit In The Moon’s remix of ‘Inner City Life’ was a record that I absolutely played to death in my teenage years. I wouldn’t mind seeing someone like Deadmau5 have a crack at LTJ Bukem’s ‘Atlantis’ or Hybrid reworking something by Omni Trio, maybe even Chemical Brothers thrashing out some old Dom & Roland tracks or something. A lot of old Moving Shadow stuff has the potential for amazing new remixes I think, from both D&B artists and people from outside D&B. Shame it won’t happen.

Why is Zero T Irish?

It’s a serious personality disorder that he’s suffered from for a long time. Not only does it make him slightly more likely to burn in the sun, give him a tendency to lean towards mild alcoholism and makes him almost impossible to understand on the phone, but it also lends him a melancholic disposition which is just hard to hate. I think being Irish works out rather well for him and he should keep it up, he’s a shining example to all the other Irishes out there and just goes to show what can be achieved when you apply yourself.

Do you like men?

Only in a sexual sense, I don’t really like to talk with them much, and cuddling is out of the question.

Richard Lock (Devolution Designs) – Richard Lock is, for long winded reasons I won’t get into, one of the main reasons that I got into Drum & Bass journalism. He currently runs an outstanding design company (www.devolutiondesigns.co.uk) and creates stunning artwork for a bunch of well respected people. He’s also the third tallest man I know. Cheers Rich you big bummer.

Is drum n bass still cool?

Definitely not. I’m not even sure it ever was especially cool. Maybe kind of cool in that “oh that’s cool because it’s really uncool and being uncool is pretty cool right now” way. It’s basically always been about one of two things in my estimation, flaming computer geeks sat in front of their PCs trying to out-nerd each other with the latest and greatest production techniques, or flick-knife wielding charvers tanked up on special brew and shit ecstasy all spoiling for a ruck at MC Convention.

Alright, alright, so these sweeping statements mean nothing and are, of course, ridiculously obtuse. But no, I don’t think it is cool, I don’t think it’s ever been very cool, and personally, I kind of like it better that way.

Why does Zero T have naked girls on his cover? (not that I'm complaining)

Is this what happens when I show you the other questions before you invent your own Richard? Ridiculous! Might as well make a rule that everyone has to ask a minimum of one Zero T related question!

Anyway, from what I hear, Zero T saw a series of perfume adverts in some magazine or other where the lady’s private parts were covered by a perfume bottle. This was apparently the inspiration behind the naked ladies. I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with a Drum & Bass album entitled ‘Cheap Shots’, but who cares? You can even see a small amount of nipple if you look closely.

What the fuck is this blog all about anyway?

Honestly, I’m not really sure. I got bored one day and decided to start it, I realise that I’m in a position where I can give away free stuff and generally help promote a few things which are close to my heart, which is what I’m doing with it. But that’s not really the reason, I guess it’s just something to fill up some time with.

Darren Ressler – Darren is the editor of Big Shot Magazine (www.bigshotmag.com), one of my favourite New York based dance music magazines (ok, it’s the only one I know). His high standards of journalism and impeccable judgement in hiring Drum & Bass reviewers are unparalleled, and as such I give him a huge thumbs up. Cheers Darren.

When are you going to stop beating your wife?

When she learns to do what the hell she’s told! Let’s be honest, women should be seen and not heard, demons in the kitchen, whores in the bedroom and other misogynistic stereotypes which probably explain why I don’t really have a wife.

(Potential applicants direct an email my way; I’ll happily check you out if you send a tidy looking résumé along with a recent photo).

Why is the sky blue?

God is an aesthetic genius. That and Rayleigh scattering.

How do we achieve world peace?

I think it would take incredible miscarriages of justice to achieve such a thing; essentially the world is so incredibly screwed we need some kind of dystopian reality to emerge to truly change the attitude of the general populace, and perhaps some kind of incredible prophets to see us through the dark times and into the light. That, or maybe aliens, they could encourage us in some way, either as an outside threat for us to concentrate our anger on, or as some kind of wise ‘father figure’ race who teaches us the right way to live.

Or maybe we should just all try being a bit nicer?

Free stuff?!

Yes, yes, as is so often the way, you have to give people some incentive to turn up and read this sort of bollocks. So, as a lot of you may know I get sent a bunch of free vinyl, and I work at a record distributor, so I literally have piles of vinyl sat around generally gathering dust and doing fuck all.

With that in mind I promise to send at least 20 brand new 12”s to whoever sends me the most interesting and/or funniest reply to any one of the above questions via email. Be warned, I withhold the right to publish any and all of the emails I am sent on this very blog, so be careful.

Email me – jeryl@nu-urbanmusic.co.uk with ‘blog competition’ in the subject and one of you lucky buggers will be the proud owner of a bunch of white labels.